GRATITUDE is the Happiest Mood
Even if I happen to lose, I don’t. I just LEARN!
I saw the acronym for T.I.M.E. today + Today Is My Everything. What a breath of fresh air, a deep diaphragmatic breath that reassures Little me that the POWER is in the NOW.
Spark, aka KING Padre’, aka the paternal progenitor, asked me to take Mr. Clint to the jobsite this morning, as he had a doctor’s appointment. I didn’t trip and agreed to do it, even though I just talked cash shit to Lashia and Kendra (middle and oldest sister, respectively) about how I was not going to work with them any longer. What started out as a dope adventure where I could learn some new skills, quickly turned into drudgery. I was neglecting my own work to fit into someone else’s plan. The Deeper Message: If you do not value what you do, no one else will. WORD LIFE, True Shit! I Give Thanks for this revelation.
Mr. Clint and I get to the jobsite and he starts talking about the mudding he is going to have me doing; the clean up work. I immediately feel my body tense up and breathing become labored and shallow. He then asks me to back the van up a little further so he won’t have to walk as far. WTF! Okay, I back the van up an inch too far, roll off the pavement and onto the softest, mushiest grass you ever did see. Of course the van gets stuck in the mud. My chest gets tighter. I take a “fuck it, shit happens” attitude, attempting to let this roll off my back. Mr. Clint goes on to prep for the day and sees my projects on the backseat of the van. I commence to tell him what I am building, as he hurries the conversation to say, “We need to get to the mudding first, or the boss man is not going to be happy when he gets here and sees that we don’t have no work done.”
THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMELS BACK
BOSS MAN??? You must not know ‘bout ME. GOD is the only BOSS of ME, and even then I have free will to fuck it up or be AMAZING. That was exactly what I needed to hear to release me from this spell I have been under. The spell of valuing others projects and opinions over and above my own. The spell of lending myself to assist others, but the moment I bring up what I need, and they show a lack of urgency, I just put it to the back burner. The spell of needing another to help me build things, as if my mind isn’t AMAZING too! From this day forward, I am learning ALL there is to know about building by…BUILDING! No more theorizing, no more waiting on a man to come and do it with or for me. I GOT THIS! The TALL & TINY Creator’s Space I am building + curating, coupled with the time I spent with the two of them hanging sheetrock has emboldened ME. I am Powered by JAH! Can you lose by following GOD? Not at ALL, but you sho’ gon’ LEARN, and I am here for it ALL!
Mr. Clint went on to do his drywall job, and I set my tools up, measured, and cut boards for my job. GOD IS GO(O)D. To Feel GOD, I look to the things that make ME Feel GO(O)D, then I know I am following my HEART.
“GOD will not have his work made manifest by cowards. Always, Always, Always, Always, Always do the thing you are afraid to do. Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
I used to be afraid to follow my heart. The more I do now, the less I fear rejection, being disowned (only GOD owns ME), losing everything, being alone. It is in this revelation that I have uncovered ME. Nothing external to make me appear bigger. It is in my nakedness that I see there are no walls, no ceilings, no boxes that can hold ME, for I AM INFINITE. Iya Kiauntae INFINITE, what I call ME!
The efficacy of the lessons I receive are so strong, so intense, so undeniable that when I get it, I GOT IT! The price for the tow to get the van out of the mud…$150. The price for the layers of mud and dirt that I am consistently + persistently digging out of to reveal the true ME to me…PRICELESS!
ALHAMDULILLAH
MODUPE
GYE NYAME
PRAISE GOD
HALLELUAH
(Where are the emojis in this blog? No pictures to add to these stories? Oh well, they’ll have to keep swirling around in my mind.)
